My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
