I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
