I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
