if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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