i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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