Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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