So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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