Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
