Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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