Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
