i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
