it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
