I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So much Jack, so little girl.
How does one acquire holy water?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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