would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
