Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
