My first STD was from a foam party
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
