HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
