Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
