HIV tests are more positive than that guy
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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