I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Randomize
