I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
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