So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
