can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
