i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
