people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
