Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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