He asked to "fluff my boner.."
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
