And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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