1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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