I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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