11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
actually, I'm a sock model
I wish I could teleport
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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