He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
