did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
