morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
So here I am, sexting at work.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
