Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
