Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
you never un-have a 4some
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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