for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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