Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
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