Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
