Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
