Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
