You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
