they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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