you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
