You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
