my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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