She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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