I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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