Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
