Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Pants are for mortals
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
